When both people are hurting, both people need to be heard — but both cannot go first. Someone has to be willing to listen before they have been fully heard themselves. That is one of the most difficult and most generous things a person can do in a relationship.
The V step in LOVES — Validate — is the practice of giving someone else's pain its due, even when your own is present. It doesn't erase yours. It creates the safety for both to be tended.
Before you keep reading — in your situation, who do you think needs to be heard first? And what would it cost you to give them that?
Built exactly for this question:
Before you move on — what's one thing that's true for you right now?
"Two hurts in one room don't cancel each other out. They multiply — until someone chooses to listen first. That choice is the beginning of healing."
Every question, eventually, leads here.
Read the Water-Bearer's Journey →