Defensiveness is a form of self-protection — and it's very fast. By the time you're formulating your defense, you've already stopped listening. The L step in LOVES — Listen — is specifically about slowing that reflex down.
The practice is this: before you respond, repeat back what you heard. Not to agree — just to confirm. "What I'm hearing is..." This one habit transforms conversations.
Before you keep reading — what is the specific thing someone says that most reliably triggers your defense?
Built exactly for this question:
Before you move on — what's one thing that's true for you right now?
"Listening is not agreeing. It is giving someone the experience of being received. That is a gift — and a skill."
Every question, eventually, leads here.
Read the Water-Bearer's Journey →