When someone becomes defensive, they're hearing an attack — even when you're not sending one. This often happens because the way we frame our experience accidentally sounds like blame, even when we don't intend it.
"You never listen to me" and "I feel unheard" describe the same experience — but one puts them on trial, and the other invites them in. The V step in LOVES gives you the tools to be heard without triggering defense.
Before you keep reading — think of a recent conversation where they became defensive. How did you start it?
Built exactly for this question:
Before you move on — what's one thing that's true for you right now?
"The goal is not to be right. It's to be understood. When you speak from your experience instead of their behavior, the door opens."
Every question, eventually, leads here.
Read the Water-Bearer's Journey →